What Moves My Life?
What does this question bring up for you? If you want, take a few moments to consider this before you read on.
For me, the first thing that comes to mind is that there are thousands of responsibilities and interests that move me through the days. I also have the feeling that I move myself through those activities. That “I” move my life.
If I acknowledge that and then sit quietly for a moment, there is the feeling that that is not all that moves my life. There is something else, maybe underneath the daily activity. Let’s see if together we can touch on what that might be.
One thing that comes up here is that there are many times when I do NOT feel that I’m moving my life. That my life is being largely moved by factors that I don’t have control over. The more I consider this, the more I realize that this is true. Some of these factors have to do with society, politics. Some have to do with my own state of health or physical well-being. Many of these “factors” that I don’t have control over are actually the people in my life.
What does this issue bring up for you?
I’m considering the role, the importance, of other people in my life. Some words that come to mind for me are “trust,” “love,” “fear,” “intimacy,” “loneliness,” “hope.” This realm of relationships with people feels like a huge, messy, challenging web of intimacy and fear of intimacy.
Is this what moves my life? Is there something else beneath all of that?
What does that question bring up for you?
For me it is bringing up issues of dying – my own death or death of loved ones. The realization that our time does not go on forever. Our relationships come to an end, one by one. Our projects, our planning, our pleasures come to an end. I don’t mean this to sound morbid, but it is a fact.
It brings up the issue of letting go. Sometimes letting go needs to happen. Sometimes life calls for letting go. It demands letting go. And yet there can be so much resistance to letting go. How do I relate to the need to let go when it comes up? What is moving my resistance????
Right now I’m thinking “Life Moves My Life.” What do I mean by that? In this moment what is going on? The hum of a fan and the warm air on the skin and the feel of pressure of the chair on my back. A sound of something, maybe a car, in the distance. This is all actually occurring right now, along with a mind working to express some things through words. In listening quietly and deeply into this moment, Life requires that I quiet down, let go of my anxious activities, let go of my memories of tasks that need to be done. And this letting go happens now without resistance, maybe because I’ve been learning to let life move me in its own ways.
This moment is simple. It doesn’t require anything other than letting go of all the things that usually keep me from being present. If this moment suddenly required an action – maybe a strong smell of smoke and needing to find out where it’s coming from – then life can move me to do what’s needed in this same simple, direct way.
I wonder, then, if it is possible, what it would mean, to experiment with letting life touch me, move me, in a present moment? And to notice the deep habits in me that resist that.
It may be that what I’m calling resistance usually manifests itself just in the mind being engaged almost exclusively in my ideas of what I think needs to be done. Thinking about things and people and planning what to do to avoid certain things/feeling or get certain things/feelings. Every once in a while we might notice that that’s where we’ve been and that we haven’t actually been aware of life as it expresses itself right now. It’s great to notice this transition and to become really interested in what life is at this moment in its simplicity. Then life has a chance to move my life as it needs. And a moment of life moving me is a moment of completeness, intimacy, healing.